Ode to Chick-fil-A

I’ll admit it. I had never heard of Chick-fil-A until moving south. It took me about three years of living here to even go to one. And I don’t know why because it’s awesome! And people down here love their Chick-fil-A chicken. They eat that shit for breakfast. In New York we eat bagels and cream cheese or scrambled eggs or avocado toast. Maybe a smoothie or some oatmeal pancakes and fruit. Down here? Biscuits, gravy, and chicken nuggets. And since this is the Bible Belt, they are closed on Sundays. Sunday is for church. Could you imagine a bagel shop closed on a Sunday in New York? They would go out of business! And do you know what the best form of birth control ever is? Chick-fil-A between the hours of 3pm and 4pm on a school day. It’s Mecca for moms and their screaming, starving, hyperactive, not wanting to go home and do homework complaining children. Thank God for drive-thru right? Well…

Today is Martin Luther King Day, which really means ugh, my kid doesn’t have school today. My kid doesn’t have school and my nanny doesn’t come on Mondays. What the eff am I going to do with my toddler all day? Luckily for us Jews in the South, the JCC stays open and so does the babysitting room. Since I can only workout for so long, what do I do after this? Of course. Let’s go to Chick-Fil-A! Drive-thru of course.

Have you ever been to the Chick-Fil-A drive-thru in the South at lunchtime? Cars line up all the way into the main roads. And these are adults, getting lunch for themselves. You would think that your chicken sandwich comes with a side of stripper! I should have remembered this when I had the bright idea to take my little one there today. I couldn’t even get into the drive-thru line. It was backed up from all angles. Cars trying to get in from every direction. The line was so long, they had people walking up to car windows and taking orders in person.

Read more

Thank You Husband…Maybe You’ll Get Lucky Later!

My husband did something extremely nice for me today. Not that he doesn’t do nice things for me, but I’m actually a bit shocked over this one. My father in law offered us two of his Panthers football tickets last week for today’s playoff game. It’s a big game. They only have to win one more to make it to the Super Bowl. Let me first specify that we are New York Giants fans. But since we live here and the Giants well, basically sucked this season, we will support the home team. Ok, not the home team, the team that plays where we live. New York is still home. Of course I couldn’t find a babysitter for a Sunday afternoon game. I just assumed that husband would go to the game leaving me to babysit our small child because that’s how it always works. He decided that if we both couldn’t go we would give away the tickets. Fair enough…works for me!

So as we sit at breakfast this morning with my father in law and inform him of our decision, he gives me the death stare, as if I”m some asshole wife preventing his son from attending a football game that he barely even cares about. I did tell husband he should go if he wanted to go and I told father in law that. Not good enough! Wow, I didn’t know that built in babysitter for sporting events was part of my job description too. But then my husband suggests I go to the game! I wanted to say “Yes, I’ll go,” immediately. But doesn’t that make me such a bitch?

Here I am not wanting my husband to go without me but I have absolutely no problem going without him, while he stays at home to babysit. OK, I’ll go! Of course I asked him about 50 times if he was sure it was okay. And he said, “Yes, of course it’s okay!” He reminded me that I haven’t been to any games this season in the new seats and that he always gets to go while I stay home to watch our son. None of the “do what you want” bullshit! Whoa! I should also now specify that my husband is a nicer human being than me. Even when he drives me nuts, even when I complain or bitch or moan, he is still a nicer human than me. So I went to the game and didn’t look back!

Read more