Valentines Day is so different when you have been with the same man for over 12 years (married for seven). I remember the first time I went to visit him at school. We were newly dating and it happened to be Valentines Day. Oh the pressure! Do I get him a gift? Do we even acknowledge it’s Valentines Day? Is he going to get me anything? If he does, is he into this more than I am? If he doesn’t maybe he’s not into this at all?
It turned out to be the perfect Valentines Day for a new couple. We had dinner as if it was any other night, but when we got back to his apartment, he surprised me with homemade molten chocolate cakes. Um, a guy who not only cooks, but can make his own molten lava cake? I probably knew I was going to marry him right then.
I’ve always hated Valentines Day. I never had a proper Valentine. I swear I was jinxed by my 8th grade boyfriend. We will just call him asshole. Asshole dumped me the night before Vday when I was in 8th grade. And to make it even worse, my so-called best friend knew it was going to happen, went with me to buy him cards and a gift, and didn’t tell me. What a bitch! And what an asshole! Who dumps his girlfriend the night before Valentines Day? I had already picked out my outfit. It was going to be my first real Valentines Day. Of course my life was over. I couldn’t show my face at school the next day. My mom made me go anyway and I hated her for 48 hours.
We can’t control what we dream about. If you can, I want to know your secret. What are you doing before bed that I don’t know about? If it’s drinking one glass of wine too many…yeah that’s not working for me! Sex? Not much these days…
So what if you have a sex dream about someone you know? I’m talking about someone you really know…that lives in the small town you live in, that you hang out with. Someone whose kids do activities and go to birthday parties with your kid? Is it cheating because you know him that well? Because he is a good friend of your husband?
Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve had sex dreams before but they are always about celebrities…even an ex boyfriend makes an appearance once in a while. People you know from a distance and have zero chance of seeing. There is no remote possibility that you will run into them right after you sex dream about them.
I would like to preface this blog by saying that my husband was a rockstar last week. I was away for five days and he watched our son without many breaks. He had to stay home from work to take him to the doctor for a stomach bug. He got stuck at home with him during a snowstorm. He was a champ. Maybe I should also say that these are things moms do all the time, things I do all the time (my husband travels for work), often without any recognition…
Anyways, we all know that moms and dads are different. I always understood that men and women are different species. We all know the saying, “men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” blah blah blah. But I never realized it more than when I became a mom. Yes, my husband loves our son. Yes he takes great care of him and is a wonderful dad, but it’s just not the same as being a mom. It never will be. There are things our husbands, the fathers of our children just don’t get, no matter how many times we try to tell them. They never will, no matter how badly we want them to. I am constantly reminded of this fact by some of the dumb shit my husband says from time to time. As a way to slowly accept this fact, I’ve decided to write some of them down. Let’s start with three recent ones.
Husband: “You don’t need to have a glass of wine until after we do bath and put him to bed.”
Me, inside my head: Seriously? Just because you can’t multitask…I’m more than capable of drinking with with one hand and helping you bathe and get our son to bed with the other.
I’m a huge believer in personal grooming. I’m talking shaving, waxing, threading, plucking, manicure, pedicure, whatever you need to feel like a woman. Moms, I know this can be a lot of work. An extra chore on the never-ending to do list. Some days we are lucky if we fit a shower in. You probably even ask yourself, does anyone even notice my hairy legs, overgrown bikini line, and unpolished fingers and toes under the sweatpants or Lulu Lemon? Does your husband even notice after a long day of work and hyperactive children? But more importantly, don’t you notice?
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. As the mom of an almost three year old, my body isn’t seeing a ton of action these days. So in theory, I could skip my monthly Brazilian bikini wax or go an extra week without shaving my legs. Right? I mean does my husband even notice? And yet, I always stay on top of waxing down there. When I was pregnant, I never missed my monthly appointment. Even when it got to the point where I could barely see my vagina, it was still waxed!. No hair down there on this girl during labor! And I always go for regular mani pedis. Eyebrows? Plucked or threaded as needed. Shaving my legs? Since it is winter, I probably do this once a week, but I keep thinking, who am I really shaving for?
I have a very involved husband when it comes to parenting. A definite hands-on dad. I can go out for a girl’s night and he does our son’s dinner, bath, and bedtime routine no problem. I can leave for a weekend and he can handle it. Of course by the time I return he is handing our tiny human back to me, but I do the same thing when he travels. And he travels a lot for business. And yes, I know it’s for work but it’s still a break. Husband, you still get to leave and completely check out, even if you are in some city in bumblefuck Kansas I have never heard of.
Back to being a hands-on dad, this is extremely attractive. He is 100 percent capable. All men are 100 capable of this, some just choose not to be. I have mom friends whose husbands can’t be at home alone with their children, thus making it difficult for their wives to enjoy the occasional night out with the girls or even a getaway. I don’t get that. I never will. It wouldn’t work for me. I need my nights out and trips away like I need air to breathe. They keep me sane. They make me a better mom and wife. Sometimes I just need to leave and take a break and I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. Every mom should be afforded that opportunity.
But lately, my husband is confusing me. When we talk about girls’ nights out or trips or me taking a solo trip to NYC in general terms, he just says, “You can do what you want.” When we talk about him going to play golf or watch football with the guys, I always say, “Great, have fun! You should make plans like this more often.”
I’m not sure how I’m feeling right now or how I should be feeling. Angry? Anxious? Guilty? Resentment? Fear? Exhausted? Yes, definitely exhausted. Maybe that is the problem when you’re a mom. The divide between how you are actually feeling and how you should be feeling or how you think you should be feeling.
For the past few nights, my almost three year-old has not only fought going to sleep, but he has woken up screaming like clockwork right around midnight. It doesn’t help that we are on vacation and he shares a tiny room with my husband and me. He sleeps in his own bed next to ours.
And who do you ask wakes up with the little one? Well, his mom of course! I actually physically wake up the minute I hear him, like I have some internal mom radar. Where is my husband you might ask? Oh, he is next to me, sleeping soundly and snoring even louder. In creeps the resentment and anger. I want to scream at him, “HOW COULD YOU SLEEP THROUGH YOUR CHILD WAKING UP CRYING???!”
Happy New Year and welcome to my blog: The Medicated Mommy. I know, how cliché to launch your first blog post on January 1. And even more cliché, to actually write “new year, new me”. But it’s true. This is my year. 2016, I’m going to make you my bitch. This endeavor has been a long time in the making and I am finally sitting down to make it a reality. I have been pent up and repressed (in so many ways) for too long and this blog will be my release. My space. My safe place to write honestly about anything and everything I feel like writing about. No topic is off limits. It’s so safe that I won’t even be giving my husband the address (for now). Duh, I need to be able to write about him too! I hope you’ll come along for the ride.
A little bit of background. As the About Me page states in fewer words, I’m a 34 year-old wife and stay at home mom to an adorable and intelligent, yet bossy, strong-willed, energizer bunny-type toddler. I should also mention I’ve been married for 7 years, but with my husband for 12 and things do get monotonous as I’m sure you all know.
I’m Northern and my heart belongs to New York City, but I’ve been living in the South for quite some time and guess what: It’s booooring! And slow and did I mention that I’m booooored? And people settle for good enough and I want amazing. Oh and there is no Soul Cycle. I just want to live near a Soul Cycle. I’m in Soul Cycle denial. I have the app on my phone and wear all their gear (which I obviously have to order online), even though the closest one requires getting on an airplane. Is that too much to ask for?