Why As a Mom, I Don’t Believe In Living a Child-Centric Life

“The greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived lives of the parents.” –C.G. Jung

I’m putting a different spin on this year’s Mother’s Day themed post. For Mother’s day, I’m discussing what I will NOT be doing for my child, what’s NOT my job, and why.

I know many of you are gasping just from reading the title of this article, but if you would put the pitchforks down for just a minute, I can explain.

I love my child. I love him so much it can be overwhelming, even scary at times. So much it keeps me up at night as my mind races with all the “what ifs,” hopes for his happiness, and prayers I’m not screwing him up. So much that I want him to always be successful and have whatever he needs and wants.

But as I reflect on my son turning 4 this past month, I’ve realized he can’t just have everything handed to him, and certainly not by me. That’s not my job as his mother. My job as his mom is to love him unconditionally, make sure he feels safe, that he belongs, and provide him with the coaching and tools he needs to learn to advocate for himself and what he needs so he can create his own path to happiness and success.

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From Handel Group Founder & Life Coach Lauren Zander: “Here’s The Good News. Maybe It’s You.”

Hi there!

If you read my last blog, you know that my book, Maybe It’s You, is being published by Hachette Book Group on April 4, 2017.

Yes! The Handel Method® is heading to bookstores and Amazon!

Pre-order Maybe It’s You today, and get 50% off of HG’s no nonsense digital coaching course, Inner U. And discover there ain’t no maybe about any of it.

Here’s an excerpt from Chapter Two of my book on how much our theories––in this case, our theories about dating––inform our current reality.

I know, not yours …

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Happy Valentines Day! #ThisIsLove Is All Of This

Love is my close mom friend putting me in bed, rubbing lotion on my feet, and staying until I fall asleep after the exhaustion of postpartum depression and anxiety have set in for the day.

Love is my mom who always answered the phone each morning so I could walk laps around my neighborhood, sobbing to her that I would never get better.

Love is my husband coming to therapy with me so he could better understand what was I was going through and how to support me.

Love is my husband sending me flowers just to tell me he is proud of the fight I am putting up.

Love is my sister crying on the phone to me because she is worried and just wants ME to be okay.

Love is my sister holding my hand in person and from afar because she knows what it’s like to feel how I feel.

Love is my best friends talking and emailing behind my back because they want me to get healthy and happy.

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Not 1, but 2 Ways to Cut The Crap! An Amazing Offer From From Handel Group Founder & Life Coach Lauren Zander

I just got a sneak peek of my friend Lauren Zander’s new book Maybe It’s YOU: Cut the Crap. Face Your Fears. Love Your Life. And you know what? Life is tough. And the things you really want in life often seem impossibly far out of reach.

In her new book, Lauren Zander uses her proven approach to resetting your life by facing your fears and saying yes to even the most difficult-seeming challenges. You will be left inspired to make major changes in all areas of your life, from your career to your love life to your health to your family, and more.

Are you ready to get at the helm of your own life, at your own pace, with the play button literally at your fingertips? Pre-order Maybe It’s YOU and gain exclusive access to Inner.U, her 11-session digital course, at half the price. Talk about the ultimate interior design!

Check out today’s guest post from fabulous life coach, Lauren Zander.

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Written For Suburban Misfit Mom: A Letter to My Pregnant Self

Dear Pregnant Jen,

There is so much I wish I could tell you before you go into labor on that first night of Passover, March 25, 2016. Yes, you will go into labor during the first night of Seder while sitting at a table with 30 of your closest Jewish family members. Papa will be asking, “Why is this night different from all other nights,” and it most definitely is as you simultaneously death grip squeeze your sister’s hand under the table, time your contractions on your iPhone, text a close mom friend who informs you to “call the fucking doctor,” and realize that not only do your contractions not conform to the 5 minutes apart pattern you learned about in birth class, but nothing about labor and delivery is anything like you’ve seen on television or in the movies.

I regret to inform you that you won’t sneeze and gracefully pop a tiny human out of your vagina like Brooklyn Decker in What to Expect When You’re Expecting. You also won’t look pretty, perfect, and polished like Brooklyn Decker during and after the delivery of your baby. Swollen, stoned, and sleep-deprived is more like it.

Let’s start there. Labor is unpredictable and doesn’t always go according to plan. In fact, the word plan really has no business being in the same sentence as the words birth and baby. Your baby is going to do what he wants. He gives zero fucks about your plans, not while he is in your belly and not when he comes out. He doesn’t care that you want his bris to be after Passover so guests can enjoy their lox and cream cheese on bagels rather than matzo. It won’t matter to him that the best mohel in town might be on vacation (although he should because…it’s his penis getting snipped). And he really doesn’t give a shit that you want to do everything in your power to avoid a C-section and have him the old-fashioned way.

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A Weekend with Handel Group Or How I Realized I Wasn’t As Bad-Ass As I Thought, But I Can Be…

I recently attended a Design Your Life (DYL) Weekend with Handel Group in New York City. I went in thinking how easy it would be for me, that I would rock it, make it my bitch, if you will. I mean, I’m pretty evolved, aren’t I? I’ve battled and overcome a year of postpartum depression. As a result, I’ve found my identity, purpose, and a level of authenticity many people lack. I decided I was going to become a writer so I did– and in under a year I have started a blog, grown a fairly decent-sized Facebook Community, been published on over ten online publications, and did a guest spot on my first radio show. I make time for self-care, self-growth, and I read tons of self-help books. According to Jen Sincero, I’m a bad-ass bitch!

And on that first day, I still felt pretty bad-ass. I was already familiar with some of Handel Group’s method from attending Campowerment retreats where one of the experts is a Handel coach. I knew about the three voices in my head that prevent me from designing the life I dream of. The weather report that tells me I can’t lose the weight because it’s just too hard to do around the holidays because you know, latkes and donuts. The brat who convinces me I would rather go back to sleep after I drop my son off at preschool over going to a coffee shop to get my daily writing finished. And the chicken who is just too scared to want to do anything at all because what if the end result is failure or rejection?

And then day two happened and yeah, not so bad-ass anymore. I showed up still feeling pretty confident and in just under an hour’s time, I was knocked off my self-imposed pedestal. Did you know that each and every one of your personality traits comes from one of your parents? Even if you think there is no possible way a particular trait was inherited from your mom or dad, in some way or another, it was. I always believed that I was nothing like my parents, especially after how they conducted themselves during their long, dragged out, nasty divorce. That my own marriage has everything to do with my parents since I most likely chose my husband because he provides everything I never got from their relationship. That I couldn’t possibly be like my “avoid anything emotional and hard” father and my “it couldn’t possibly be me” mother. They say we all turn into our mothers eventually. I found that out when my cmy coach suggested I was playing the “innocent victim” card.

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The Everything I’m Grateful For From 2016 And What I’m Looking Forward To In 2017 Post

I can’t believe it’s already been a year. I know it’s been a year because tomorrow I will find myself back at Chuck E. Cheese, exactly where I was one year ago on New Year’s Day, when I launched this blog and posted it’s first post. Oh, good old Chuck E. Cheese, where a kid can be a kid…or really where the dreams of parents go to die or at least be overtaken by every nasty germ living on this planet, cold, soggy pizza, and useless, plastic prizes that your kids will cry over because they don’t have enough tickets to buy them. You can clearly guess my feelings about Chuck E. Cheese, but now, I’m getting off topic…

2016 was a big year for me. So much has happened since I decided to launch this blog on January 1st—things that I could have never anticipated happening in just a year’s time of declaring myself to be a writer. But rather than write a long, boring blog about this year’s accomplishments and next year’s resolutions that I probably won’t keep, I’m going to list what I’m grateful for from this past year and what I’m looking forward to most in the year to come.

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Dethroning Your Inner Critic With Joanna Kleinman – Is The Queen Of Chaos Driving The Bus?

Do you ever wish that you could just take a vacation from your mind?

Do you wish that you had an “on-off” switch on the side of your head that you could turn off your worry about the future, your regrets of the past, the things you keep telling yourself over and over that you need to work on or change?

Our mind, the Queen of Chaos, can literally drive us crazy.  We live in a culture that fosters an overactive mind, that creates worry, frustration, dissatisfaction, sleeplessness, and a feeling that no matter what life we have, something (or many things!) about our life needs to be different. It is as though our minds create a war inside of us, and we think that the way to peace is through continuing to examine what we need to change, how we need to improve, or we fixate on changing or improving someone else, like our spouse or our kids!

The bottom line is this:  We will never feel the content, joy, love and satisfaction that we want to feel in our lives by remaining at war with ourselves.

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Dethroning Your Inner Critic With Joanna Kleinman – The One You Feed

There is an old Cherokee Indian legend that illustrates the battle between US and our INNER CRITIC beautifully.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil–he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” 

He continued, “The other is good–he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.” 

“The same fight is going on inside you–and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

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Written For Suburban Misfit Mom: I’m Not That Pinterest Mom

Some moms spend hours every day searching on pinning on Pinterest. I’m not that mom.

Some moms pin their own recipes, crafts, and décor with their own photos from their own lives. I’m not that mom. 

Some moms make cute little signs for their kids’ first day of school. I’m not that mom.

Some moms cut their kids sandwiches into shapes like stars or monsters. I’m not that mom. 

Some moms make eyes, noses, and mouths on said sandwiches. I’m not that mom.

Some moms pack their kids’ lunches full of colors so it looks like the bento box threw up a rainbow. I’m not that mom.

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